 |
llucii listens to... ::
Suzanne Vega's...
...Caramel
You know you are the epitome of brilliance when you stick your fingers in your nose after handling chilli padi.
Very clever I am.
llucii listens to...::
Ow.
black llucii at 7:44:00 pm
....stay tuned for more Lucii's Looney Limericks
Child of the pure unclouded brow
And dreaming eyes of wonder!
Though time be fleet, and I and thou
Are half a life asunder,
Thy loving smile will surely hail
The love-gift of a fairy-tale.
I have not seen thy sunny face,
Nor heard thy silver laughter;
No thought of me shall find a place
In thy young life's hereafter -
Enough that now thou wilt not fail
To listen to my fairy-tale.
A tale begun in other days,
When summer suns were glowing -
A simple chime, that served to time
The rhythmn of our rowing -
Whose echoes live in memory yet,
Though envious years would say 'forget'.
Come, heraken then, ere voice of dread,
With bitter tidings laden,
Shall summon to unwelcome bed
A melancholy maiden!
We are but older children, dear,
Who fret to find our bedtime near.
Without, the frost, the blinding snow,
The storm-wind's moody madness -
Within, the firelight's ruddy glow
And childhood's nest of gladness.
The magic words shall hold thee fast:
Thou shalt not heed the raving blast.
And though the shadow of a sigh
May tremble through the story
For 'happy summer days' gone by,
And vanish'd summer glory -
It shall not touch with breath of bale
The pleasance of our fairy-tale.
~ Lewis Carroll: Through the Looking Glass
black llucii at 7:32:00 pm I have exhausted the sun so I had to feed my poor Blossom green bean soup. Fever and phelgm make a nasty combination for fun in the sun.
I am happy again and have never felt more domesticated in my life! Angels, Angels!! Guess what?!!! I have climbed up 2 notches in the HouseWife scale! I steamed fish last night!! But please do not get me wrong. A housewife I will be over my dead body which I will not want Ben to pick up coz he's been thru too much already...that poor boy... but a home-maker I could possibly live with. Do not scoff at me, my Beefy Bovine, or my play with words...I cannot help it. I grew up on politically correct bedtime stories.
Everyone, say: "Happy Birthday, Beautifullest JiaoKutZai" "Girl.... you'll be a woman soon...." Heheheh! You are 24. Time for you to go out, work, and support me! :D
Aaron & I went to Prahan on Friday and we got the first items for our Dragon hoard! Our house is gonna be furnished with beautiful gothic, charcoal dragon sculptures and we found a set we really liked from this gothic shop called Charley Weavers... Beautiful cutlture, beautiful people, beautiful sculptures... So the first in our collection are two charcoal Dragon candlestands. We're still thinking of names for our lovely children. Something medieval...something draconic... will keep u posted!
Just got interrupted by a tripped fire alarm. Firefighters were storming up the fire escape as poor Blossom and I trudged down the stairs, with the feeling of falsity eating away at our guts. We stood in the freezing wind of winter pending. Blossom said we should have brought our camera. Maybe the firefighters should have brought their cameras to mark this second cheating of feelings... Stupid fire alarms! Wrecked my baby's sleep and my blogging input! And the poor firefighters who had to come all the way here and for nothing!! Grrrr...
Eniwae, conscience calls and tis time for me to bury meself in books of major consequences I hope will never befall me: Epilepsey and Temporal Lobe Seizures
Tata for now, Tee Tee for then...
See yer laters, My Beautiful Friends!
Full moon and Empty arms
The moon is there for us to share but where are you
A night like this could weave a memory
And every kiss would start a dream for two
Full moon and Empty arms
Tonight I'll use the magic moon to wish upon
And next full moon, if my one wish comes true
My empty arms will be filled with you
llucii listens to...
black llucii at 5:04:00 pm A gust lifted the leaf through the winnowing sunlight as it searched for its blossom. Then the jamais vu lifted as quickly as it had descended, and the leaf turned its head to look into the beautiful ebony eyes of one... the one? Possibly. Maybe. The sun bathed the two lovers in its warm embrace as the wind twirled the two in a dance to the rhythm felt only in their hearts... a lifetime forever in a moment.
(This is not a watch advertisement.)
So is the story of my missing.
And my angels are discussing their nosepicking habits and the tang of their delightful produce...*shakes head* Nevermind, I still love them. ;D
And And my baby cousin is blossoming everyday, into a flower more beautiful than the one she was the day before...oh how I adore her!! *hug*
News: A hippopotamus swallowed a dwarf in a circus in Thailand. The dwarf bounced off a trampoline and was accidentally thrown off course and landed in the mouth of a yawning hippo that was waiting for its turn on stage. The hippo has always been vegetarian and the trampoline is suspected of foul play.
A song for you before I go,
To dig your nose or suck your toe
Let it now light up your heart
Before you let out that gargantuan fart!!..........*raises eyebrows repeatedly*
What is that sound
Ringing in my ears
The strangest sound
I've heard for years & years
The sound of two hearts
Beating side by side
The sound of ...one love
That neither one can hide
The sound that makes the world go round
The sound that makes the world go round
What is that sound
Running round my head
Funny I thought
That part was long since dead
But now there's new life
Coursing through my veins
Now that there's someone
To make it beat again...
The sound that makes the world go round.
llucii listens to...:: Lamb's What Sound
black llucii at 9:22:00 pm ......*zzzzzttt*.......*zzzzttt*......*zzzzttt*.....
my brain feels like a flourescent lamp with a loose connection,....light flickering every few minutes, accompanied by a zzzttt...like a fly getting fried.
My ragas are being rudely interrupted by nova.fm blasting from the garbage truck downstairs!!! Aren't garbage trucks supposed to pick up the rubbish and move on? Why is it stagnating downstairs?
I have been up since my 2 hour nap that ended at 9pm. I have officially become nocturnal. I get a headache when the sunlight blasts its solar energy on my pale, moon-shadowed face, so I quickly pull the blinds back down. Oh jolly, the garbage truck has moved on.
News: there was a red moon last night. Too bad I missed it. I would have loved to see Mr. Moon adorn a red dress for once. I wonder if it had red sequins like Satine's in Moulin Rouge...or maybe it was beautiful like a cabaret queen's during Mardi Gras. Its nice to dress up once in while. I would like to parade in a blood-red sequinned dress once in a while,... alone on a dark lonely stage, with the only sounds coming from the tappings of my red satin shoes. Lovely. I would match the imperial stage drapes. Curtain call....
*groan* Ugh! The battle with M's!! First it was Max,... now Marquis...later, Machiavelli. Why? Is this punishment for not enjoying M&Ms enough? I can't help it. I prefer my chocolates melted. Like dear ol' Kinder Bueno.... or Twix, after spending a day in my back pocket... I hear the Lindt chocolates are good as well. The insides are already melted...... ooooohh
My Sunshine's coming in 3 days! The only sunlight I can take... Hurry, Blossom! Oh, I can't wait! The agony of suspense........ I'm so excited that I almost feel nervous. *gasp* What if I suddenly forget how he looks like? What if he doesn't recognize me? Oh! The anticipation.... its rousing the belly-butterflies.... I think I'm going to be sick....*convulsing from excitement*
News: There will be a meteor shower this afternoon. Wow. Wouldn't it just be a wonderful spectacle. Like fireworks in daytime. Like a candlelit dinner at 1pm in the park in the middle of the business district. Out of point. Cosmos, you fail me again.
2 days to complete 2 essays...*looks up with squinting, tired, puffy eyes, at the moon that has been replaced by a cumulus cloud*.....*groan*.... I need I need a puff from the magic dragon or some MDMA.... why am I allergic to all the things that could be useful to me?
*pulls hat back down and collar up, and shoves fingerless-gloved hands deep into the pockets of her old and dusty trenchcoat, and trudges back down the lonely street, lit by a single lamp, illuminating a monochromatic world*.........
llucii listens to...:: Ravi Shankar's Raga Ahir Bhairav
black llucii at 10:17:00 am *GROWL*...*ROAR*...*Mutates into a dark beast, smashing every bone in sight, tearing bodies apart with teeth, of those foolish enough to step in my path*
Wah lau....if only you could see me now, with scalding steam bursting forth through every pore from my body, sweat dripping down my face as it slowly turns into blood...claws unsheathed, fangs bared... eyes blood shot, veins swollen with rage and throbbing to the beat of an Orc drum calling for war... my breathing is getting heavier and more intense as images of ripping his cursed body apart with my bare hands, runs through my head. I feel a surge of sweet satisfaction as I picture myself scalping him with the shard from a window, freshly smashed with his..blasted...(I'm forcing myself not to cuss)...head. I yearn to hear his painful, pitiful, but vain cries for mercy, screaming confessions that have all come but too late. "Sorry, boy, I can't hear you." says I, as I hum to Lamb Chops Play Along.
No. No. No. I am above this. I will breathe steadily. I will press my pointers against my thumbs and feel the serene strength of meditation course through my body, dispelling all negative forces and energy. I am above this. I am one with the universe. I am a tree. I am a rock. I am a leaf floating on the wind....
I feel like kicking the shit out of him, that bloody egoistic prick, staining the face of christianity by claiming to be a "devoted christian". That idiot actually seriously thinks he's THE Messiah. The Jesus of our century. Pathetic. He's not even worth decomposing spit.
No, no, no. This won't do.
*Ommm*.....I am untouchable. I am above this.
I refuse to allow myself to be stirred by such lowly creatures.
....to be continued
I may be listening to Rammstein but I feel more like King Diamond.... balls!
*a growl is heard...fading into the distance.......*
black llucii at 5:00:00 am Been wanting to write since yesterday but forced myself to at least try to get started on my essays...
Vharunee Kyiiren should be obliterated and Procrastination be put in their places as my middle name...
My poor Queen Mama has lost the Royal Hound..."don't worry, dear, all dogs go to Heaven...Gypsy, no less".... it brings to mind the puppies I killed when I was young. The guilt hangs above my head like a crown of thorns. Maybe that's why I still don't have a dog of my own. But how was I to know that dogs aren't like plants? I just thought they needed the sun to grow as well. I didn't know it didn't work that way... :(
Nevermind, there's Pepper now. I'm her god-mother and aunty. I will make sure she grows up strong and healthy.
So here I sit, all alone, in the evening of gloom. My Blossom has gone to play mahjong. I know what I should be doing now: do work or sleep. *sigh* Solitude is like quicksand in Paradise. When you're not there, you want to get there. But once you're in it, you realise you have to get out before you get too deep. But with every attempt that you make to get out, you just sink deeper into the gloomy unknown. After a while, you accept that struggling is futile and you listen to the birds flying over head and smile at their serenade; you look at the trees as they dance in the wind, lulling you into a serene dream state; you look up at the blue sky above and realise that life couldn't be more peaceful than this, and you close your eyes and are contented. But every now and then you look around you, and how your body and sand have amalgamated into one. You can't even tell if you still have got your panties on. Then you want out. Soon enough though, you slip back into your trance-like bliss and forget about the sand in your underwear.
I wonder: 1) do I want to get out of this solitude I always rave about, 2) am I willing to share my little spot of a quicksand with another, or 3) should I just embrace this solitude and be one with the universe, forever entombed in the earth in a lotus position?
I remember the peacefulness I felt as I stopped at the halfway mark on the bridge over the railway station. Everything was still. The sky was a deep blue, the kind you never see in Singapore, with not a cloud in the sky. I closed my eyes, arms outstretched, and tilted my head back. The sun seduced my skin with its warmth, while the coolness of the wind caressed my body, ensuring that I did not get scalded by the heat of passion. The play of the two, an encasement of yin & yang. The sounds of distant chucking of the train and the cries of seagulls were all that filled my ears. I could smell the sea just over yonder, and each breath was sweeter than the last. I opened my eyes, and I was content.
You would often find me smiling and looking straight up at the world above, on my walks home to Docklands. I miss Docklands. Life wasn't dandy, but my walks were my escape. And they showed me the beauty that this life has to offer. Every pebble on the road, every shard of glass from a broken beer bottle...even the twisted metal in the abandoned construction sites...they were all beautiful.
Yet every night, I looked to the moon and wondered. A forlornness in my heart, a homesickness that wasn't just for my family in Singapore... but for that harbour, that respite I've been searching for,... for that final destination before the eye of life shuts.
Hmm...I guess yes, I have always delved deep, wallowing in my solitaire mystery that I loved. But then, even a Joker constantly seeks for his pack. Likewise, despite the comfort that I find in solitude, I also know that I fear loneliness. Solitude can be dangerous when it starts tipping into loneliness, but otherwise there's nothing that I enjoy more...
...other than being in love.
So yes, come on then, Blossom, come over here...come on in and join me in my quicksand.
It'll just be like having our own little spa of a mud bath,... all at once and forever in this tiny universe!
possibly maybe probably love
as much as I definitely enjoy solitude
I wouldn't mind perhaps
spending a little time with you
sometimes
sometimes
possibly maybe probably love
Bjork : Possibly Maybe
black llucii at 9:58:00 pm Ah! Finally! Happy enough with my blog after 4 hours of battling with html. Ironic how I was so adamant the night before, that I would never want to touch anything that's even remotely associated with html. Sorry for all the strands of hair you lost, Rachoo...deepest apologies.
But alas, here I am, all blogspot-converted and finding that html ain't as tough as it looks. (thanks Ben, for your unceasing encouragement and literally being there EVERY painful step of the way! Couldn't' have done it without yours and Lissa's tips! Heh! And yes, Rachoo, I know, you told me so...)
Eniwae, this web spot of a journal is the 2nd child, of which I have decided to abandon the first. Call it a lack of maternal instincts or even a violation of loyalty if you must, but I am unrepentent. Blogspot IS a lot prettier than live journal. :D Again, apologies to you, Rachoo.
For those of you who missed out on my very first journal entry (inscribed in livejournal), here it is:
"1:48AM - Salutations
Greetings all and welcome...
after years of treading on the sidelines, months of walking on the edge, weeks of visitations and days of contemplation...it has all come to this: an hour of impulse.
so here I am, at last...initiated and wondering.
Stay tuned while I try to warm my freezing fingers and decide what's on my mind.
See ya... "
TA DAAAH! And so heralds the end of the belief in 'what is private should remain private'.
I wonder if its this type of addiction that lures people into the glitz and glamour of being a celebrity...or wanting to be a celebrity...hmm... *shudder* Nay! I refuse to admit to such absurdity, true tho it seem! I refuse to associate myself with such mentality!! Cheh! *shudder*
No, seriously. As I'd like to believe, public rantings and ravings can have therapeutic powers. When psychotic patients speak out loud, seemingly to no one, or when they run around in the starkies, they aren't just doing it out of pure lunacy, ya know. What they're doing is very much like what I'm doing in this journal. Only difference is, they don't/might not have access to the net, and I do not have the courage to do so in public! hahaha!
Right...
now its time I got back to what's at hand:
"Outline and assess Don Marquis' argument for the immorality of abortion."
*groan*
black llucii at 8:48:00 pm
oui...
black llucii at 4:56:00 pm
Very clever I am.
llucii listens to...::
Sapoo's Tales from a Flaming Nostril
Ow.
black llucii at 7:44:00 pm
A-trotting I went, one day, off with a merry skip,
Down a lane, and round about, to the lake for an icy dip.
There I chanced upon a fellow, queer as a roach's sneeze,
Who told me a story I'll never forget that made me laugh and wheeze!
So enjoy this poem, my dearest chooks,
One of his many conjurations.
And if you like, I'll give you more
To smother your daily lamentations!!
TA Daaaah!!
Down a lane, and round about, to the lake for an icy dip.
There I chanced upon a fellow, queer as a roach's sneeze,
Who told me a story I'll never forget that made me laugh and wheeze!
So enjoy this poem, my dearest chooks,
One of his many conjurations.
And if you like, I'll give you more
To smother your daily lamentations!!
TA Daaaah!!
....stay tuned for more Lucii's Looney Limericks
Child of the pure unclouded brow
And dreaming eyes of wonder!
Though time be fleet, and I and thou
Are half a life asunder,
Thy loving smile will surely hail
The love-gift of a fairy-tale.
I have not seen thy sunny face,
Nor heard thy silver laughter;
No thought of me shall find a place
In thy young life's hereafter -
Enough that now thou wilt not fail
To listen to my fairy-tale.
A tale begun in other days,
When summer suns were glowing -
A simple chime, that served to time
The rhythmn of our rowing -
Whose echoes live in memory yet,
Though envious years would say 'forget'.
Come, heraken then, ere voice of dread,
With bitter tidings laden,
Shall summon to unwelcome bed
A melancholy maiden!
We are but older children, dear,
Who fret to find our bedtime near.
Without, the frost, the blinding snow,
The storm-wind's moody madness -
Within, the firelight's ruddy glow
And childhood's nest of gladness.
The magic words shall hold thee fast:
Thou shalt not heed the raving blast.
And though the shadow of a sigh
May tremble through the story
For 'happy summer days' gone by,
And vanish'd summer glory -
It shall not touch with breath of bale
The pleasance of our fairy-tale.
~ Lewis Carroll: Through the Looking Glass
black llucii at 7:32:00 pm I have exhausted the sun so I had to feed my poor Blossom green bean soup. Fever and phelgm make a nasty combination for fun in the sun.
I am happy again and have never felt more domesticated in my life! Angels, Angels!! Guess what?!!! I have climbed up 2 notches in the HouseWife scale! I steamed fish last night!! But please do not get me wrong. A housewife I will be over my dead body which I will not want Ben to pick up coz he's been thru too much already...that poor boy... but a home-maker I could possibly live with. Do not scoff at me, my Beefy Bovine, or my play with words...I cannot help it. I grew up on politically correct bedtime stories.
Everyone, say: "Happy Birthday, Beautifullest JiaoKutZai" "Girl.... you'll be a woman soon...." Heheheh! You are 24. Time for you to go out, work, and support me! :D
Aaron & I went to Prahan on Friday and we got the first items for our Dragon hoard! Our house is gonna be furnished with beautiful gothic, charcoal dragon sculptures and we found a set we really liked from this gothic shop called Charley Weavers... Beautiful cutlture, beautiful people, beautiful sculptures... So the first in our collection are two charcoal Dragon candlestands. We're still thinking of names for our lovely children. Something medieval...something draconic... will keep u posted!
Just got interrupted by a tripped fire alarm. Firefighters were storming up the fire escape as poor Blossom and I trudged down the stairs, with the feeling of falsity eating away at our guts. We stood in the freezing wind of winter pending. Blossom said we should have brought our camera. Maybe the firefighters should have brought their cameras to mark this second cheating of feelings... Stupid fire alarms! Wrecked my baby's sleep and my blogging input! And the poor firefighters who had to come all the way here and for nothing!! Grrrr...
Eniwae, conscience calls and tis time for me to bury meself in books of major consequences I hope will never befall me: Epilepsey and Temporal Lobe Seizures
Tata for now, Tee Tee for then...
See yer laters, My Beautiful Friends!
Full moon and Empty arms
The moon is there for us to share but where are you
A night like this could weave a memory
And every kiss would start a dream for two
Full moon and Empty arms
Tonight I'll use the magic moon to wish upon
And next full moon, if my one wish comes true
My empty arms will be filled with you
llucii listens to...
:: Frank Sinatra's Full Moon & Empty Arms
black llucii at 5:04:00 pm A gust lifted the leaf through the winnowing sunlight as it searched for its blossom. Then the jamais vu lifted as quickly as it had descended, and the leaf turned its head to look into the beautiful ebony eyes of one... the one? Possibly. Maybe. The sun bathed the two lovers in its warm embrace as the wind twirled the two in a dance to the rhythm felt only in their hearts... a lifetime forever in a moment.
(This is not a watch advertisement.)
So is the story of my missing.
And my angels are discussing their nosepicking habits and the tang of their delightful produce...*shakes head* Nevermind, I still love them. ;D
And And my baby cousin is blossoming everyday, into a flower more beautiful than the one she was the day before...oh how I adore her!! *hug*
News: A hippopotamus swallowed a dwarf in a circus in Thailand. The dwarf bounced off a trampoline and was accidentally thrown off course and landed in the mouth of a yawning hippo that was waiting for its turn on stage. The hippo has always been vegetarian and the trampoline is suspected of foul play.
A song for you before I go,
To dig your nose or suck your toe
Let it now light up your heart
Before you let out that gargantuan fart!!..........*raises eyebrows repeatedly*
What is that sound
Ringing in my ears
The strangest sound
I've heard for years & years
The sound of two hearts
Beating side by side
The sound of ...one love
That neither one can hide
The sound that makes the world go round
The sound that makes the world go round
What is that sound
Running round my head
Funny I thought
That part was long since dead
But now there's new life
Coursing through my veins
Now that there's someone
To make it beat again...
The sound that makes the world go round.
llucii listens to...:: Lamb's What Sound
black llucii at 9:22:00 pm ......*zzzzzttt*.......*zzzzttt*......*zzzzttt*.....
my brain feels like a flourescent lamp with a loose connection,....light flickering every few minutes, accompanied by a zzzttt...like a fly getting fried.
My ragas are being rudely interrupted by nova.fm blasting from the garbage truck downstairs!!! Aren't garbage trucks supposed to pick up the rubbish and move on? Why is it stagnating downstairs?
I have been up since my 2 hour nap that ended at 9pm. I have officially become nocturnal. I get a headache when the sunlight blasts its solar energy on my pale, moon-shadowed face, so I quickly pull the blinds back down. Oh jolly, the garbage truck has moved on.
News: there was a red moon last night. Too bad I missed it. I would have loved to see Mr. Moon adorn a red dress for once. I wonder if it had red sequins like Satine's in Moulin Rouge...or maybe it was beautiful like a cabaret queen's during Mardi Gras. Its nice to dress up once in while. I would like to parade in a blood-red sequinned dress once in a while,... alone on a dark lonely stage, with the only sounds coming from the tappings of my red satin shoes. Lovely. I would match the imperial stage drapes. Curtain call....
*groan* Ugh! The battle with M's!! First it was Max,... now Marquis...later, Machiavelli. Why? Is this punishment for not enjoying M&Ms enough? I can't help it. I prefer my chocolates melted. Like dear ol' Kinder Bueno.... or Twix, after spending a day in my back pocket... I hear the Lindt chocolates are good as well. The insides are already melted...... ooooohh
My Sunshine's coming in 3 days! The only sunlight I can take... Hurry, Blossom! Oh, I can't wait! The agony of suspense........ I'm so excited that I almost feel nervous. *gasp* What if I suddenly forget how he looks like? What if he doesn't recognize me? Oh! The anticipation.... its rousing the belly-butterflies.... I think I'm going to be sick....*convulsing from excitement*
News: There will be a meteor shower this afternoon. Wow. Wouldn't it just be a wonderful spectacle. Like fireworks in daytime. Like a candlelit dinner at 1pm in the park in the middle of the business district. Out of point. Cosmos, you fail me again.
2 days to complete 2 essays...*looks up with squinting, tired, puffy eyes, at the moon that has been replaced by a cumulus cloud*.....*groan*.... I need I need a puff from the magic dragon or some MDMA.... why am I allergic to all the things that could be useful to me?
*pulls hat back down and collar up, and shoves fingerless-gloved hands deep into the pockets of her old and dusty trenchcoat, and trudges back down the lonely street, lit by a single lamp, illuminating a monochromatic world*.........
llucii listens to...:: Ravi Shankar's Raga Ahir Bhairav
black llucii at 10:17:00 am *GROWL*...*ROAR*...*Mutates into a dark beast, smashing every bone in sight, tearing bodies apart with teeth, of those foolish enough to step in my path*
Wah lau....if only you could see me now, with scalding steam bursting forth through every pore from my body, sweat dripping down my face as it slowly turns into blood...claws unsheathed, fangs bared... eyes blood shot, veins swollen with rage and throbbing to the beat of an Orc drum calling for war... my breathing is getting heavier and more intense as images of ripping his cursed body apart with my bare hands, runs through my head. I feel a surge of sweet satisfaction as I picture myself scalping him with the shard from a window, freshly smashed with his..blasted...(I'm forcing myself not to cuss)...head. I yearn to hear his painful, pitiful, but vain cries for mercy, screaming confessions that have all come but too late. "Sorry, boy, I can't hear you." says I, as I hum to Lamb Chops Play Along.
No. No. No. I am above this. I will breathe steadily. I will press my pointers against my thumbs and feel the serene strength of meditation course through my body, dispelling all negative forces and energy. I am above this. I am one with the universe. I am a tree. I am a rock. I am a leaf floating on the wind....
I feel like kicking the shit out of him, that bloody egoistic prick, staining the face of christianity by claiming to be a "devoted christian". That idiot actually seriously thinks he's THE Messiah. The Jesus of our century. Pathetic. He's not even worth decomposing spit.
No, no, no. This won't do.
*Ommm*.....I am untouchable. I am above this.
I refuse to allow myself to be stirred by such lowly creatures.
....to be continued
I may be listening to Rammstein but I feel more like King Diamond.... balls!
*a growl is heard...fading into the distance.......*
black llucii at 5:00:00 am Been wanting to write since yesterday but forced myself to at least try to get started on my essays...
Vharunee Kyiiren should be obliterated and Procrastination be put in their places as my middle name...
My poor Queen Mama has lost the Royal Hound..."don't worry, dear, all dogs go to Heaven...Gypsy, no less".... it brings to mind the puppies I killed when I was young. The guilt hangs above my head like a crown of thorns. Maybe that's why I still don't have a dog of my own. But how was I to know that dogs aren't like plants? I just thought they needed the sun to grow as well. I didn't know it didn't work that way... :(
Nevermind, there's Pepper now. I'm her god-mother and aunty. I will make sure she grows up strong and healthy.
So here I sit, all alone, in the evening of gloom. My Blossom has gone to play mahjong. I know what I should be doing now: do work or sleep. *sigh* Solitude is like quicksand in Paradise. When you're not there, you want to get there. But once you're in it, you realise you have to get out before you get too deep. But with every attempt that you make to get out, you just sink deeper into the gloomy unknown. After a while, you accept that struggling is futile and you listen to the birds flying over head and smile at their serenade; you look at the trees as they dance in the wind, lulling you into a serene dream state; you look up at the blue sky above and realise that life couldn't be more peaceful than this, and you close your eyes and are contented. But every now and then you look around you, and how your body and sand have amalgamated into one. You can't even tell if you still have got your panties on. Then you want out. Soon enough though, you slip back into your trance-like bliss and forget about the sand in your underwear.
I wonder: 1) do I want to get out of this solitude I always rave about, 2) am I willing to share my little spot of a quicksand with another, or 3) should I just embrace this solitude and be one with the universe, forever entombed in the earth in a lotus position?
I remember the peacefulness I felt as I stopped at the halfway mark on the bridge over the railway station. Everything was still. The sky was a deep blue, the kind you never see in Singapore, with not a cloud in the sky. I closed my eyes, arms outstretched, and tilted my head back. The sun seduced my skin with its warmth, while the coolness of the wind caressed my body, ensuring that I did not get scalded by the heat of passion. The play of the two, an encasement of yin & yang. The sounds of distant chucking of the train and the cries of seagulls were all that filled my ears. I could smell the sea just over yonder, and each breath was sweeter than the last. I opened my eyes, and I was content.
You would often find me smiling and looking straight up at the world above, on my walks home to Docklands. I miss Docklands. Life wasn't dandy, but my walks were my escape. And they showed me the beauty that this life has to offer. Every pebble on the road, every shard of glass from a broken beer bottle...even the twisted metal in the abandoned construction sites...they were all beautiful.
Yet every night, I looked to the moon and wondered. A forlornness in my heart, a homesickness that wasn't just for my family in Singapore... but for that harbour, that respite I've been searching for,... for that final destination before the eye of life shuts.
Hmm...I guess yes, I have always delved deep, wallowing in my solitaire mystery that I loved. But then, even a Joker constantly seeks for his pack. Likewise, despite the comfort that I find in solitude, I also know that I fear loneliness. Solitude can be dangerous when it starts tipping into loneliness, but otherwise there's nothing that I enjoy more...
...other than being in love.
So yes, come on then, Blossom, come over here...come on in and join me in my quicksand.
It'll just be like having our own little spa of a mud bath,... all at once and forever in this tiny universe!
possibly maybe probably love
as much as I definitely enjoy solitude
I wouldn't mind perhaps
spending a little time with you
sometimes
sometimes
possibly maybe probably love
Bjork : Possibly Maybe
black llucii at 9:58:00 pm Ah! Finally! Happy enough with my blog after 4 hours of battling with html. Ironic how I was so adamant the night before, that I would never want to touch anything that's even remotely associated with html. Sorry for all the strands of hair you lost, Rachoo...deepest apologies.
But alas, here I am, all blogspot-converted and finding that html ain't as tough as it looks. (thanks Ben, for your unceasing encouragement and literally being there EVERY painful step of the way! Couldn't' have done it without yours and Lissa's tips! Heh! And yes, Rachoo, I know, you told me so...)
Eniwae, this web spot of a journal is the 2nd child, of which I have decided to abandon the first. Call it a lack of maternal instincts or even a violation of loyalty if you must, but I am unrepentent. Blogspot IS a lot prettier than live journal. :D Again, apologies to you, Rachoo.
For those of you who missed out on my very first journal entry (inscribed in livejournal), here it is:
"1:48AM - Salutations
Greetings all and welcome...
after years of treading on the sidelines, months of walking on the edge, weeks of visitations and days of contemplation...it has all come to this: an hour of impulse.
so here I am, at last...initiated and wondering.
Stay tuned while I try to warm my freezing fingers and decide what's on my mind.
See ya... "
TA DAAAH! And so heralds the end of the belief in 'what is private should remain private'.
I wonder if its this type of addiction that lures people into the glitz and glamour of being a celebrity...or wanting to be a celebrity...hmm... *shudder* Nay! I refuse to admit to such absurdity, true tho it seem! I refuse to associate myself with such mentality!! Cheh! *shudder*
No, seriously. As I'd like to believe, public rantings and ravings can have therapeutic powers. When psychotic patients speak out loud, seemingly to no one, or when they run around in the starkies, they aren't just doing it out of pure lunacy, ya know. What they're doing is very much like what I'm doing in this journal. Only difference is, they don't/might not have access to the net, and I do not have the courage to do so in public! hahaha!
Right...
now its time I got back to what's at hand:
"Outline and assess Don Marquis' argument for the immorality of abortion."
*groan*
black llucii at 8:48:00 pm
Ahem...testing....
oui...
black llucii at 4:56:00 pm
drooling...
aching for life...
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.lovestruck changeling defrosting in spring's ardour.awaiting the green jelly rocket ship.3 angels in a bag & a pea in a pod.back to the moon evermore.
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