 |
llucii listens to... ::
Suzanne Vega's...
...Caramel
Been wanting to write since yesterday but forced myself to at least try to get started on my essays...
Vharunee Kyiiren should be obliterated and Procrastination be put in their places as my middle name...
My poor Queen Mama has lost the Royal Hound..."don't worry, dear, all dogs go to Heaven...Gypsy, no less".... it brings to mind the puppies I killed when I was young. The guilt hangs above my head like a crown of thorns. Maybe that's why I still don't have a dog of my own. But how was I to know that dogs aren't like plants? I just thought they needed the sun to grow as well. I didn't know it didn't work that way... :(
Nevermind, there's Pepper now. I'm her god-mother and aunty. I will make sure she grows up strong and healthy.
So here I sit, all alone, in the evening of gloom. My Blossom has gone to play mahjong. I know what I should be doing now: do work or sleep. *sigh* Solitude is like quicksand in Paradise. When you're not there, you want to get there. But once you're in it, you realise you have to get out before you get too deep. But with every attempt that you make to get out, you just sink deeper into the gloomy unknown. After a while, you accept that struggling is futile and you listen to the birds flying over head and smile at their serenade; you look at the trees as they dance in the wind, lulling you into a serene dream state; you look up at the blue sky above and realise that life couldn't be more peaceful than this, and you close your eyes and are contented. But every now and then you look around you, and how your body and sand have amalgamated into one. You can't even tell if you still have got your panties on. Then you want out. Soon enough though, you slip back into your trance-like bliss and forget about the sand in your underwear.
I wonder: 1) do I want to get out of this solitude I always rave about, 2) am I willing to share my little spot of a quicksand with another, or 3) should I just embrace this solitude and be one with the universe, forever entombed in the earth in a lotus position?
I remember the peacefulness I felt as I stopped at the halfway mark on the bridge over the railway station. Everything was still. The sky was a deep blue, the kind you never see in Singapore, with not a cloud in the sky. I closed my eyes, arms outstretched, and tilted my head back. The sun seduced my skin with its warmth, while the coolness of the wind caressed my body, ensuring that I did not get scalded by the heat of passion. The play of the two, an encasement of yin & yang. The sounds of distant chucking of the train and the cries of seagulls were all that filled my ears. I could smell the sea just over yonder, and each breath was sweeter than the last. I opened my eyes, and I was content.
You would often find me smiling and looking straight up at the world above, on my walks home to Docklands. I miss Docklands. Life wasn't dandy, but my walks were my escape. And they showed me the beauty that this life has to offer. Every pebble on the road, every shard of glass from a broken beer bottle...even the twisted metal in the abandoned construction sites...they were all beautiful.
Yet every night, I looked to the moon and wondered. A forlornness in my heart, a homesickness that wasn't just for my family in Singapore... but for that harbour, that respite I've been searching for,... for that final destination before the eye of life shuts.
Hmm...I guess yes, I have always delved deep, wallowing in my solitaire mystery that I loved. But then, even a Joker constantly seeks for his pack. Likewise, despite the comfort that I find in solitude, I also know that I fear loneliness. Solitude can be dangerous when it starts tipping into loneliness, but otherwise there's nothing that I enjoy more...
...other than being in love.
So yes, come on then, Blossom, come over here...come on in and join me in my quicksand.
It'll just be like having our own little spa of a mud bath,... all at once and forever in this tiny universe!
possibly maybe probably love
as much as I definitely enjoy solitude
I wouldn't mind perhaps
spending a little time with you
sometimes
sometimes
possibly maybe probably love
Bjork : Possibly Maybe
black llucii at 9:58:00 pm
Vharunee Kyiiren should be obliterated and Procrastination be put in their places as my middle name...
My poor Queen Mama has lost the Royal Hound..."don't worry, dear, all dogs go to Heaven...Gypsy, no less".... it brings to mind the puppies I killed when I was young. The guilt hangs above my head like a crown of thorns. Maybe that's why I still don't have a dog of my own. But how was I to know that dogs aren't like plants? I just thought they needed the sun to grow as well. I didn't know it didn't work that way... :(
Nevermind, there's Pepper now. I'm her god-mother and aunty. I will make sure she grows up strong and healthy.
So here I sit, all alone, in the evening of gloom. My Blossom has gone to play mahjong. I know what I should be doing now: do work or sleep. *sigh* Solitude is like quicksand in Paradise. When you're not there, you want to get there. But once you're in it, you realise you have to get out before you get too deep. But with every attempt that you make to get out, you just sink deeper into the gloomy unknown. After a while, you accept that struggling is futile and you listen to the birds flying over head and smile at their serenade; you look at the trees as they dance in the wind, lulling you into a serene dream state; you look up at the blue sky above and realise that life couldn't be more peaceful than this, and you close your eyes and are contented. But every now and then you look around you, and how your body and sand have amalgamated into one. You can't even tell if you still have got your panties on. Then you want out. Soon enough though, you slip back into your trance-like bliss and forget about the sand in your underwear.
I wonder: 1) do I want to get out of this solitude I always rave about, 2) am I willing to share my little spot of a quicksand with another, or 3) should I just embrace this solitude and be one with the universe, forever entombed in the earth in a lotus position?
I remember the peacefulness I felt as I stopped at the halfway mark on the bridge over the railway station. Everything was still. The sky was a deep blue, the kind you never see in Singapore, with not a cloud in the sky. I closed my eyes, arms outstretched, and tilted my head back. The sun seduced my skin with its warmth, while the coolness of the wind caressed my body, ensuring that I did not get scalded by the heat of passion. The play of the two, an encasement of yin & yang. The sounds of distant chucking of the train and the cries of seagulls were all that filled my ears. I could smell the sea just over yonder, and each breath was sweeter than the last. I opened my eyes, and I was content.
You would often find me smiling and looking straight up at the world above, on my walks home to Docklands. I miss Docklands. Life wasn't dandy, but my walks were my escape. And they showed me the beauty that this life has to offer. Every pebble on the road, every shard of glass from a broken beer bottle...even the twisted metal in the abandoned construction sites...they were all beautiful.
Yet every night, I looked to the moon and wondered. A forlornness in my heart, a homesickness that wasn't just for my family in Singapore... but for that harbour, that respite I've been searching for,... for that final destination before the eye of life shuts.
Hmm...I guess yes, I have always delved deep, wallowing in my solitaire mystery that I loved. But then, even a Joker constantly seeks for his pack. Likewise, despite the comfort that I find in solitude, I also know that I fear loneliness. Solitude can be dangerous when it starts tipping into loneliness, but otherwise there's nothing that I enjoy more...
...other than being in love.
So yes, come on then, Blossom, come over here...come on in and join me in my quicksand.
It'll just be like having our own little spa of a mud bath,... all at once and forever in this tiny universe!
possibly maybe probably love
as much as I definitely enjoy solitude
I wouldn't mind perhaps
spending a little time with you
sometimes
sometimes
possibly maybe probably love
Bjork : Possibly Maybe
black llucii at 9:58:00 pm
drooling...
aching for life...
|
to The Cat Welfare Society Supported by Tomorrow.sg |
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.lovestruck changeling defrosting in spring's ardour.awaiting the green jelly rocket ship.3 angels in a bag & a pea in a pod.back to the moon evermore.
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