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llucii listens to... ::
Suzanne Vega's...
...Caramel
I am a toymaker with varnish on my hands. Orange oil works wonders and now my hands are clean... and a tad bit glossy.
I built a sailboat and cement truck.
I am a glitter green guitarist. Her name is Emma Starr and she's a glittery, emerald green, Martinez acoustic.
I am going to play like Gilberto and Carlos-Jobim.
I am a jewellery maker with sliced shells and a roll of wire that keeps breaking. Blossom says I can make it.
I am going to be a famous accessorizing, designing, restaurateur with a pot of bak kuah honey-oil.
I am swaying on the swings of the human psyche and the wonders of life. Piaget or Plato?
I am going to be a philosophizing psychologist or a psychotic philosopher.
I am staying in house with tragedy on my left and punk-rave-wonder on my right. Moving to another apartment will cost me an extra $300.
I am going to have one helluva wrestling match with my overactive imagination.
I am missing my family and friends especially my 3 angels and my little pea-in-a-pod (Zchare, that's you).
I am forlorn.
I am sad that I only have 3 weeks left with Love by my side as I fall asleep at night.
I am holding a breaking heart together.
llucii listens to...:: Stereolab's Metronomic Underground
black llucii at 2:06:00 pm I'm shaken...
On saturday I found out about my neighbour's passing. On sunday I saw an old man with a missing leg, fall down at the tram stop infront of a tram full of people. A young gent tried to help him up but the old man just waved him off and signalled that he was okay. But he sure didn't look it. His face was red. He touched the back of his head to see if it was bleeding and then held his head in his hands. What broke my heart even more was the way he looked at his missing leg,... at his crutches... and then started shaking his head.
I was sitting on tram 86 to get my mop conditoner, travelling around my favourite old Gertrude Street, when I got a shock from the sound of something hitting the ground. I looked toward the street and saw the old man just as he fell to the floor. My heart broke. For the second time in 2 days. I wanted to run down the tram to help him, but he had already waved off the boy. He looked resigned, helpless...
Blossom tried to comfort me. He said maybe the old man was just embarassed. Maybe he doesn't feel helpless or hopeless, like how it seemed. Maybe his ego was just bruised, but otherwise he could really be a strong-willed chap. Afterall, wouldn't anyone be embarassed if they fell down at the tram stop infront of so many people?
I tried to see it that way. But inside I wonder if he goes back to an empty apartment, or if he meets his buddies in the pub every other night. I wonder if he has family or good friends, or is he just waiting for Time? I wonder if his missing leg ignited a fervour and helped him grow stronger, or does he sit alone in the dark at night, maybe crying, maybe feeling useless. I wonder if he remembers the rainbows...
I'm stirred...
My exams have ended. My neuropsych paper today went relatively well despite the ill-planning (I actually thought my paper was tomorrow). I can finally begin on my gaming crusade, saving the world, smiting evil with my cyber fist!
But every now and then thoughts of my neighbour and of the old man still come drifting in silently. I pray that my pessimistic thoughts are just fables in my over-active imagination and neurotic emotions in overdrive. I recall darker times and acknowledge how easy it is to shut yourself from the light.
I wish I really could smite evil with my fists, save the world, bring comfort to those who've forgotten the smell of the wind... Bring back those who are almost lost... like how I was almost lost. I'm so idealistic. Even magnanimously full of shit.
But for now, in my sombre & humbled frame of mind and spirit, I hope that some day I will be able to make a difference,... some way, some how. I was feeling lost just a while ago about where my future seems to be headed, but the past 3 days has shaken me... and stirred me... And I hope I stay humbled a while more so I don't forget about what really matters... so I won't be so quick to say "life sucks!".
Carpe Diem.
black llucii at 6:59:00 pm We got a call just now to let 2 police officers up. They wanted access to our floor to ask us some questions.
My neighbour commited suicide.
They said she died on the 16th of June, that Wednesday night. Aaron asked how she died. They said it was better if we didn't know. They asked us if we heard anything that night or the time before. I only remember a heated argument that occurred sometime in March/April, and even then I don't know if it was from her apartment. I know my neighbour had a boyfriend coz I heard them talking and cooking together occassionally. I spoke to her once when she asked me if I had experienced a water shortage too. They were repairing a burst pipe. She said she would call the office branch to check and I thanked her for it. I never spoke to or saw her again.
On Wednesday night I was groaning away at not being able to concentrate on my work. I was giving Aaron tips on Diablo and stuffing my face with toffee to ease the tidbit pangs. All I could think of was whining and snacking. I fell asleep some time in the evening and didn't wake up til the wee hours in the morning to continue my desperate search for tidbits.
My neighbour was a petite Indonesian girl with long black hair. She wore a striped turtle-neck and black jeans when she asked me if I knew anything about the water shortage a few weeks ago. She offered to call the office branch and got a thank-you from me. She never spoke to or saw her tidbit-hogging neighbour again.
On Wednesday night, something must have happened or a long-time burden must have taken its final toll. She decided to call it quits.
I am a psychology student and an aspiring psychologist. I study and read alot about the human psyche: what propells us... what motivates us... what undermines us. Major depression, schizophrenia, bipolar, dementia, prosopagnosia...I know them all like the back of my hand. But what really runs through a person's mind during the few moments before they take the last step and bid a final farewell to this life?
There I was snacking, pigging,... ignorant in my sloth. And just behind me, behind the wall on which I was leaning and complaining to Blossom that toffees weren't enough to satisfy my greed, was a girl... lonely, desperate, irreparably anguished, and plagued with the burdens of her existence which were proving too hard to battle. There was a girl who could see no more hope, no more reason, no more sense in fighting.
Just a wall away we were, yet a world apart. Was there anything I could have done? If I had stayed awake, if I had kept quiet, might I have heard some whimper or cry for help?
So many what-ifs and maybes are running through my head now. I cannot help but feel somehow guilty. I should have remained quiet, doing my work and I might have heard something, and I might have been able to do something. I should have taken some effort in getting to know my neighbours better. I should have heard something... I should have heard something. I should have been able to do something. I was just a wall away afterall...
I feel regretful, I feel responsible somehow and I feel sorry. I never knew her but maybe I could have. A chord has been struck deep within and its resounding disconcerts me. For me, just one more toffee left... For her, nothing more.
May you find peace now, that you couldn't find in this life
May the demons that plagued you, plague you no more.
I pray to God that He will shine His light on you
And forever reside in His warm embrace
A solace at last
Everlasting.
black llucii at 5:50:00 pm
black llucii at 4:51:00 pm Oh, the ingenuity of advertising! Now they even have notable anecdotes on the paper that protects the sticky parts of sanitary napkins (do they have a name for that?), apart from the added scent that is supposed to mask the smellies, the floral prints that are supposed to calm your nerves after the realization that you're bleeding 4 cups worth of blood, the funky colours that they come in now to match the colour of your undies, the funky genius that is the pantyliner for thong-backs (why anyone would want to wear them while recovering from the attack of the Red Tide still baffles me crazy), and the brightly coloured packets they come in, just screaming of sanitary designer chic! Oh oh, did I mention that they've got wiiings to fly?
Am I bored or what?
black llucii at 12:24:00 am Dearest One & All,
A really talented girl I know has taken on a mighty feat to perform a great service for the local scene. I really hope you'll give her your fullest support and help out any way you can. We've had many talents in the past go unnoticed, never quite receiving the recognition they deserved. I hope you'll lend your support to this effort, that's one of the many boosters that the local scene deserves, be it attending the gigs or, best, sponsorship. Thanks!!!
__________________________________________________________________________
Dear friends, acquaintances and blog-hoppers:
My name is Ave. I am organizing a gig for 6 local bands (Kate of Kale, Gloria, The Leaven Trait, Moren Tea Estate, Radium Rags and one more band, status pending) at the Substation on 15th August. The name of the gig is doubleyellowline 2004. Why "doubleyellowline", you may ask. The name connotes the no-parking rule, which embodies the spirit of the 6 bands who will be playing at the concert - no parking, no stopping, no stagnating. Keep playing. Keep going. In other words, it is the spirit of entrepreneurship and determination.
Preparations for the gig are well under way, but there is one thing that you, my friends and family, can do to help me.
We need sponsors for this gig. So far, we have only had one positive sponsorship response from Boon's Studio at Potong Pasir. He is giving us 50% off the rental charges for a drum set and 3 amps. If your company or organization is likely to be interested in being part of this event, or if you know of people who may be interested in lending their support, please convey this message to them.
The reason why we have no sponsors, even though we have already booked the Substation, is very simple: This is not a registered company or organization. It is not even an organization. The organizing committee of doublyellowline 2004 consists of a motley crue of about 10 people, myself included. None of us draw salaries above $500 a month, for those who are employed. The rest are students, or NS men. We do not have a company or patron behind us. In other words, this is a completely independent production. That is why we need the support of the people we know and trust.
I can be reached at psykedahlia@hotmail.com for the complete sponsorship package.
Please lend your support to local music. I look forward to working with you.
Yours Sincerely,
Aveline Chan
Organizer and Producer
doubleyellowline 2004
black llucii at 12:44:00 am Two down, one to go. And so developmental markers and states & laws of nature are gone. Now...just brain diseases and euthanasia to go. *trudging*
But for now, ITS GAMING TIME!!!!
Do you know how long I have waited? Do you know how long I've yearned for you? to taste you... to feel you move in rhythmn with me... to hear them moan as we take 'em down one by one... *shiver* My Beautiful Computer games, here I am once again. All for you. Just the two of us. Your mistress has returned to you.
*scampers off into the darkness.... a distant sound of gunfire is heard... then the smell of the ion cannon searing flesh...*
*salivates*
llucii plays...:: C + C Renegade
black llucii at 8:50:00 pm Went to bed at 6+. Saw another sunrise. Woke at 11+ with strange dreams. Disturbing dreams.
"Cernoch & Porter (1985) found that babies preferred the scents of lactating females."
*groan* My paper is in 3 and a half hours and my brain is cramping. My innards are shuddering and my urinary tract is about to have a seizure.
Quick, Angels! Gather round and cast magic spells on my brain! Please wish it to work! *thinks of Angels and kowtows to God*
black llucii at 11:44:00 am How many sunrises more will I live to see?
...and so she sits by the window recalling yesterdays and dreaming of time yet born, a strange sensation coursing through her veins... ah! the old familiar feeling... that unquenchable desire... Its funny how those subtle movements could trigger such a massive explosion from the excited neurons. Yes. Those excited neurons. Firing wildly in their sheer splendour. And then she hears them calling...
"Awaiting orders."
llucii reads...
black llucii at 9:37:00 am Lack of nocturnal sleep + Extreme daytime sleepiness could very well be cursors to possible narcolepsy or apneas of some sort.
"Who shall be judge whether the prince or legislative act contrary to their trust?... To this I reply: The people shall be judge."
My exams are next week. Sleep I have not, and neither drive. A fog I have entered from which I seem to be choosing not to escape. Thus I reiterate: My middle name should have been Procrastination.
"By fundamental law of nature, it could not be that the people lack the right to resist their own destruction. Therefore they must have a right to resist a government and recover the power it exercises over them."
The sweet sound of snoring singing in my ears, as my Blossom, strewn over the warm bed like fallen petals asleep in winter, brings to mind the comfort that awaits me as soon as I am done with these cantings of dithering philosophers...
llucii reads...
black llucii at 8:54:00 am Grrr.....I'm fuming... I have realised that my tagboard does not have an archive, so that means that I have lost all previous tags. Grrr.... I am seriously contemplating a switch back to livejournal, but the lack of html knowledge is holding me back. See, Blogspot? You should have just included a section for comments/tags. Would have made your customers so much happier! Bleh to you!
My angel has finally succumbed to the temptation of blogging. Hahahha! You have been seduced! Welcome to our realm! --> refer to the new link under 'kakis'.
I miss my angelic Raisin...
:(
llucii listens to...
black llucii at 9:34:00 pm *singing*
Tiptoe to your room,
A starlight in the gloom
I only dream of you
And you never knew.
Sing for Absolution
I will be singing
Falling from your grace
There's nowhere left to hide
In no one to confide
The truth burns deep inside
And will never die
Lips are turning blue
A kiss that can't renew
I only dream of you
My Beautiful...
I won't remain unrectified
and our souls won't be absolved
llucii listens to...:: Muse's Sing for Absolution
black llucii at 9:26:00 am
What would I do if my son looked at me in the eye and said that he really does prefer staying home and learning how to sew than playing rugby with his school mates? What would I say to my daughter if she wanted to be an altar server and play in the soccer team, which so far has only accepted male players? Would I buy my boy a sewing kit and throw his rugby boots away? And would I petition to the priests to let my daughter serve, or would I just hug her and tell her that such is life?
What would I do if my son started to withdraw and feel like there was something really wrong with him because he has different tendencies from the other guys in school? What if my daughter feels that she's suddenly turning into a freak and believes that nobody will ever accept her? Should I tell them that they are going through a pubescent phase that will pass, or that this is just who they are and they should embrace it? Should I tell them that gender identity is genetically predetermined but that I had tried to coax them into gender stereotypes so that they could fit in, and now I'm sorry I wasn't successful? Or should I tell them bollocks to genetic fortune telling, that they really should just accept who they are because I love them either way, and that I'm sorry that the world is going to give them a hard time as long as they don't conform?
I know what I want to do. I want to encourage them to grow into individuals with principles, morals, virtues... individuals who judge with the spirit and not the body... individuals who can discern the right from wrong, and make just decisions... individuals who embrace and accept instead of rejecting and scorning... individuals who love instead of hate... individuals with passionate hearts and peaceable minds, regardless of their sex, gender and other labels that threaten to encase them in shrouds of elusive social definitions.
But who will allow me, even if I were able to achieve such a feat? Would I allow myself to put my kids in jeopardy of facing society's cruel stones? Will others allow me to bring up my children as free spirits? To risk the pain to attain pleasure, or forget pleasure to be spared the pain? To choose the lesser of two evils, but which is the lesser?
My curse and blessing is in being a misfit... or a free spirit, as a friend once called me. Should I subject my offsprings to the same pain? Should I allow them the same pleasure?
The examples are so stereotypical they make me churn. Conjured by my readings on lectures covering Stability and Change in Self-Concept, they echo popular misconceptions (do forgive me). But hearken the real issue at hand. It is not just an issue that gender roles and identity pay painful tribute to. This is an issue of life. Everything that defines who we are, everything that doesn't... All ideals, expectations, desires... be it political, social, physical, psychological, biological, public or personal...everything is in danger, everything is an issue as long as it doesn't fit in with the normative standards.
And then... what is normal?
Even relativity is relative and non-relative all at once.
I could not have kids and forever wonder at the miracle of being a mother.
where would that leave me?
Tis easier being simple, for nothing will plague thee then.
But even then, the ignorance resounding will tear at thine hungering heart.
*sigh* Ponderings that plague at 6am. Life will be alot easier just keeping a dog.
But even then, the government won't let me keep a Mastiff without burning a hole in my pocket.
Oh! the ache from this muzzle and bridle bit...
llucii listens to...:: Lovage's Strangers On A Train
black llucii at 7:24:00 am My silent beauty
Wandering so.
In the depths of my reality,
Dark caves of thoughts unleashed.
Reaching out to the horse of moments past
I feel its heaving breath.
What strange contraption works within
The ticking of a complex mechanism.
Then strange silence.
"Who's there?", says the strange elf
Clad in rags of shrouded gloom.
The armour beneath still wearing a faded glint
Exonerated by the encroaching rust.
What works you funny, grey lunar
And the changeling extends a skeletal hand.
Sad to eyes that do not see
But joyous to hearts that do believe.
So the sepia-toned tunnel grows dimmer
And the strange girl gives a wink
A whiff of lavender and a drip from a tap
Tomorrow's child of yesterday's frost.
And the tunnel continues onward.
black llucii at 6:47:00 am
I built a sailboat and cement truck.
I am a glitter green guitarist. Her name is Emma Starr and she's a glittery, emerald green, Martinez acoustic.
I am going to play like Gilberto and Carlos-Jobim.
I am a jewellery maker with sliced shells and a roll of wire that keeps breaking. Blossom says I can make it.
I am going to be a famous accessorizing, designing, restaurateur with a pot of bak kuah honey-oil.
I am swaying on the swings of the human psyche and the wonders of life. Piaget or Plato?
I am going to be a philosophizing psychologist or a psychotic philosopher.
I am staying in house with tragedy on my left and punk-rave-wonder on my right. Moving to another apartment will cost me an extra $300.
I am going to have one helluva wrestling match with my overactive imagination.
I am missing my family and friends especially my 3 angels and my little pea-in-a-pod (Zchare, that's you).
I am forlorn.
I am sad that I only have 3 weeks left with Love by my side as I fall asleep at night.
I am holding a breaking heart together.
llucii listens to...:: Stereolab's Metronomic Underground
black llucii at 2:06:00 pm I'm shaken...
On saturday I found out about my neighbour's passing. On sunday I saw an old man with a missing leg, fall down at the tram stop infront of a tram full of people. A young gent tried to help him up but the old man just waved him off and signalled that he was okay. But he sure didn't look it. His face was red. He touched the back of his head to see if it was bleeding and then held his head in his hands. What broke my heart even more was the way he looked at his missing leg,... at his crutches... and then started shaking his head.
I was sitting on tram 86 to get my mop conditoner, travelling around my favourite old Gertrude Street, when I got a shock from the sound of something hitting the ground. I looked toward the street and saw the old man just as he fell to the floor. My heart broke. For the second time in 2 days. I wanted to run down the tram to help him, but he had already waved off the boy. He looked resigned, helpless...
Blossom tried to comfort me. He said maybe the old man was just embarassed. Maybe he doesn't feel helpless or hopeless, like how it seemed. Maybe his ego was just bruised, but otherwise he could really be a strong-willed chap. Afterall, wouldn't anyone be embarassed if they fell down at the tram stop infront of so many people?
I tried to see it that way. But inside I wonder if he goes back to an empty apartment, or if he meets his buddies in the pub every other night. I wonder if he has family or good friends, or is he just waiting for Time? I wonder if his missing leg ignited a fervour and helped him grow stronger, or does he sit alone in the dark at night, maybe crying, maybe feeling useless. I wonder if he remembers the rainbows...
I'm stirred...
My exams have ended. My neuropsych paper today went relatively well despite the ill-planning (I actually thought my paper was tomorrow). I can finally begin on my gaming crusade, saving the world, smiting evil with my cyber fist!
But every now and then thoughts of my neighbour and of the old man still come drifting in silently. I pray that my pessimistic thoughts are just fables in my over-active imagination and neurotic emotions in overdrive. I recall darker times and acknowledge how easy it is to shut yourself from the light.
I wish I really could smite evil with my fists, save the world, bring comfort to those who've forgotten the smell of the wind... Bring back those who are almost lost... like how I was almost lost. I'm so idealistic. Even magnanimously full of shit.
But for now, in my sombre & humbled frame of mind and spirit, I hope that some day I will be able to make a difference,... some way, some how. I was feeling lost just a while ago about where my future seems to be headed, but the past 3 days has shaken me... and stirred me... And I hope I stay humbled a while more so I don't forget about what really matters... so I won't be so quick to say "life sucks!".
Carpe Diem.
black llucii at 6:59:00 pm We got a call just now to let 2 police officers up. They wanted access to our floor to ask us some questions.
My neighbour commited suicide.
They said she died on the 16th of June, that Wednesday night. Aaron asked how she died. They said it was better if we didn't know. They asked us if we heard anything that night or the time before. I only remember a heated argument that occurred sometime in March/April, and even then I don't know if it was from her apartment. I know my neighbour had a boyfriend coz I heard them talking and cooking together occassionally. I spoke to her once when she asked me if I had experienced a water shortage too. They were repairing a burst pipe. She said she would call the office branch to check and I thanked her for it. I never spoke to or saw her again.
On Wednesday night I was groaning away at not being able to concentrate on my work. I was giving Aaron tips on Diablo and stuffing my face with toffee to ease the tidbit pangs. All I could think of was whining and snacking. I fell asleep some time in the evening and didn't wake up til the wee hours in the morning to continue my desperate search for tidbits.
My neighbour was a petite Indonesian girl with long black hair. She wore a striped turtle-neck and black jeans when she asked me if I knew anything about the water shortage a few weeks ago. She offered to call the office branch and got a thank-you from me. She never spoke to or saw her tidbit-hogging neighbour again.
On Wednesday night, something must have happened or a long-time burden must have taken its final toll. She decided to call it quits.
I am a psychology student and an aspiring psychologist. I study and read alot about the human psyche: what propells us... what motivates us... what undermines us. Major depression, schizophrenia, bipolar, dementia, prosopagnosia...I know them all like the back of my hand. But what really runs through a person's mind during the few moments before they take the last step and bid a final farewell to this life?
There I was snacking, pigging,... ignorant in my sloth. And just behind me, behind the wall on which I was leaning and complaining to Blossom that toffees weren't enough to satisfy my greed, was a girl... lonely, desperate, irreparably anguished, and plagued with the burdens of her existence which were proving too hard to battle. There was a girl who could see no more hope, no more reason, no more sense in fighting.
Just a wall away we were, yet a world apart. Was there anything I could have done? If I had stayed awake, if I had kept quiet, might I have heard some whimper or cry for help?
So many what-ifs and maybes are running through my head now. I cannot help but feel somehow guilty. I should have remained quiet, doing my work and I might have heard something, and I might have been able to do something. I should have taken some effort in getting to know my neighbours better. I should have heard something... I should have heard something. I should have been able to do something. I was just a wall away afterall...
I feel regretful, I feel responsible somehow and I feel sorry. I never knew her but maybe I could have. A chord has been struck deep within and its resounding disconcerts me. For me, just one more toffee left... For her, nothing more.
May you find peace now, that you couldn't find in this life
May the demons that plagued you, plague you no more.
I pray to God that He will shine His light on you
And forever reside in His warm embrace
A solace at last
Everlasting.
black llucii at 5:50:00 pm
I've heeded the Queen Mother's advice and I'm trying out HaloScan's comment handlings. Please give me your feedback. Your comfort is, afterall, my pleasure...
black llucii at 4:51:00 pm Oh, the ingenuity of advertising! Now they even have notable anecdotes on the paper that protects the sticky parts of sanitary napkins (do they have a name for that?), apart from the added scent that is supposed to mask the smellies, the floral prints that are supposed to calm your nerves after the realization that you're bleeding 4 cups worth of blood, the funky colours that they come in now to match the colour of your undies, the funky genius that is the pantyliner for thong-backs (why anyone would want to wear them while recovering from the attack of the Red Tide still baffles me crazy), and the brightly coloured packets they come in, just screaming of sanitary designer chic! Oh oh, did I mention that they've got wiiings to fly?
Am I bored or what?
"ODD SPOT #54
Swans are the only birds with penises"
"ODD SPOT #72
The average human body contains enough potassium to fire a toy cannon."
"ODD SPOT #19
The poisonous copperhead snake smells like freshly cut cucumbers."
"ODD SPOT #123
More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call."
"ODD SPOT #111
Some lions mate over 50 times a day."
"ODD SPOT #47
The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night."
ODD SPOT #152
In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand."
"ODD SPOT #55
A cough releases an explosive charge of air that moves at speeds of up to 100kph."
"ODD SPOT #102
Bulletproof vests, fire escapes, laser printers and windshield wipers were all invented by women."
"ODD SPOT #92
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient in waking you up in the morning."
black llucii at 12:24:00 am Dearest One & All,
A really talented girl I know has taken on a mighty feat to perform a great service for the local scene. I really hope you'll give her your fullest support and help out any way you can. We've had many talents in the past go unnoticed, never quite receiving the recognition they deserved. I hope you'll lend your support to this effort, that's one of the many boosters that the local scene deserves, be it attending the gigs or, best, sponsorship. Thanks!!!
__________________________________________________________________________
Dear friends, acquaintances and blog-hoppers:
My name is Ave. I am organizing a gig for 6 local bands (Kate of Kale, Gloria, The Leaven Trait, Moren Tea Estate, Radium Rags and one more band, status pending) at the Substation on 15th August. The name of the gig is doubleyellowline 2004. Why "doubleyellowline", you may ask. The name connotes the no-parking rule, which embodies the spirit of the 6 bands who will be playing at the concert - no parking, no stopping, no stagnating. Keep playing. Keep going. In other words, it is the spirit of entrepreneurship and determination.
Preparations for the gig are well under way, but there is one thing that you, my friends and family, can do to help me.
We need sponsors for this gig. So far, we have only had one positive sponsorship response from Boon's Studio at Potong Pasir. He is giving us 50% off the rental charges for a drum set and 3 amps. If your company or organization is likely to be interested in being part of this event, or if you know of people who may be interested in lending their support, please convey this message to them.
The reason why we have no sponsors, even though we have already booked the Substation, is very simple: This is not a registered company or organization. It is not even an organization. The organizing committee of doublyellowline 2004 consists of a motley crue of about 10 people, myself included. None of us draw salaries above $500 a month, for those who are employed. The rest are students, or NS men. We do not have a company or patron behind us. In other words, this is a completely independent production. That is why we need the support of the people we know and trust.
I can be reached at psykedahlia@hotmail.com for the complete sponsorship package.
Please lend your support to local music. I look forward to working with you.
Yours Sincerely,
Aveline Chan
Organizer and Producer
doubleyellowline 2004
black llucii at 12:44:00 am Two down, one to go. And so developmental markers and states & laws of nature are gone. Now...just brain diseases and euthanasia to go. *trudging*
But for now, ITS GAMING TIME!!!!
Do you know how long I have waited? Do you know how long I've yearned for you? to taste you... to feel you move in rhythmn with me... to hear them moan as we take 'em down one by one... *shiver* My Beautiful Computer games, here I am once again. All for you. Just the two of us. Your mistress has returned to you.
*scampers off into the darkness.... a distant sound of gunfire is heard... then the smell of the ion cannon searing flesh...*
*salivates*
llucii plays...:: C + C Renegade
black llucii at 8:50:00 pm Went to bed at 6+. Saw another sunrise. Woke at 11+ with strange dreams. Disturbing dreams.
"Cernoch & Porter (1985) found that babies preferred the scents of lactating females."
*groan* My paper is in 3 and a half hours and my brain is cramping. My innards are shuddering and my urinary tract is about to have a seizure.
Quick, Angels! Gather round and cast magic spells on my brain! Please wish it to work! *thinks of Angels and kowtows to God*
black llucii at 11:44:00 am How many sunrises more will I live to see?
* * *
...and so she sits by the window recalling yesterdays and dreaming of time yet born, a strange sensation coursing through her veins... ah! the old familiar feeling... that unquenchable desire... Its funny how those subtle movements could trigger such a massive explosion from the excited neurons. Yes. Those excited neurons. Firing wildly in their sheer splendour. And then she hears them calling...
"Awaiting orders."
llucii reads...
:: Shaffer's Developmental Psychology
black llucii at 9:37:00 am Lack of nocturnal sleep + Extreme daytime sleepiness could very well be cursors to possible narcolepsy or apneas of some sort.
"Who shall be judge whether the prince or legislative act contrary to their trust?... To this I reply: The people shall be judge."
My exams are next week. Sleep I have not, and neither drive. A fog I have entered from which I seem to be choosing not to escape. Thus I reiterate: My middle name should have been Procrastination.
"By fundamental law of nature, it could not be that the people lack the right to resist their own destruction. Therefore they must have a right to resist a government and recover the power it exercises over them."
The sweet sound of snoring singing in my ears, as my Blossom, strewn over the warm bed like fallen petals asleep in winter, brings to mind the comfort that awaits me as soon as I am done with these cantings of dithering philosophers...
llucii reads...
:: From Locke on Government, D.A. Thomas' Rebellion
black llucii at 8:54:00 am Grrr.....I'm fuming... I have realised that my tagboard does not have an archive, so that means that I have lost all previous tags. Grrr.... I am seriously contemplating a switch back to livejournal, but the lack of html knowledge is holding me back. See, Blogspot? You should have just included a section for comments/tags. Would have made your customers so much happier! Bleh to you!
My angel has finally succumbed to the temptation of blogging. Hahahha! You have been seduced! Welcome to our realm! --> refer to the new link under 'kakis'.
I miss my angelic Raisin...
:(
llucii listens to...
:: Stone Temple Pilots' Seven Caged Tigers
black llucii at 9:34:00 pm *singing*
Tiptoe to your room,
A starlight in the gloom
I only dream of you
And you never knew.
Sing for Absolution
I will be singing
Falling from your grace
There's nowhere left to hide
In no one to confide
The truth burns deep inside
And will never die
Lips are turning blue
A kiss that can't renew
I only dream of you
My Beautiful...
I won't remain unrectified
and our souls won't be absolved
llucii listens to...:: Muse's Sing for Absolution
black llucii at 9:26:00 am
What would I do if my daughter reached out for machine guns instead of ditzy dolls? What would I do if my son would rather play tea-party with Flopsy the Bunny and Barbie, over waging wars against cyborgs with the neighbourhood hoodlums? Would I let them do as they please or would I try to encourage them to engage in play that's more appropriate to their biological stereotypes?
What would I do if my son looked at me in the eye and said that he really does prefer staying home and learning how to sew than playing rugby with his school mates? What would I say to my daughter if she wanted to be an altar server and play in the soccer team, which so far has only accepted male players? Would I buy my boy a sewing kit and throw his rugby boots away? And would I petition to the priests to let my daughter serve, or would I just hug her and tell her that such is life?
What would I do if my son started to withdraw and feel like there was something really wrong with him because he has different tendencies from the other guys in school? What if my daughter feels that she's suddenly turning into a freak and believes that nobody will ever accept her? Should I tell them that they are going through a pubescent phase that will pass, or that this is just who they are and they should embrace it? Should I tell them that gender identity is genetically predetermined but that I had tried to coax them into gender stereotypes so that they could fit in, and now I'm sorry I wasn't successful? Or should I tell them bollocks to genetic fortune telling, that they really should just accept who they are because I love them either way, and that I'm sorry that the world is going to give them a hard time as long as they don't conform?
I know what I want to do. I want to encourage them to grow into individuals with principles, morals, virtues... individuals who judge with the spirit and not the body... individuals who can discern the right from wrong, and make just decisions... individuals who embrace and accept instead of rejecting and scorning... individuals who love instead of hate... individuals with passionate hearts and peaceable minds, regardless of their sex, gender and other labels that threaten to encase them in shrouds of elusive social definitions.
But who will allow me, even if I were able to achieve such a feat? Would I allow myself to put my kids in jeopardy of facing society's cruel stones? Will others allow me to bring up my children as free spirits? To risk the pain to attain pleasure, or forget pleasure to be spared the pain? To choose the lesser of two evils, but which is the lesser?
My curse and blessing is in being a misfit... or a free spirit, as a friend once called me. Should I subject my offsprings to the same pain? Should I allow them the same pleasure?
The examples are so stereotypical they make me churn. Conjured by my readings on lectures covering Stability and Change in Self-Concept, they echo popular misconceptions (do forgive me). But hearken the real issue at hand. It is not just an issue that gender roles and identity pay painful tribute to. This is an issue of life. Everything that defines who we are, everything that doesn't... All ideals, expectations, desires... be it political, social, physical, psychological, biological, public or personal...everything is in danger, everything is an issue as long as it doesn't fit in with the normative standards.
And then... what is normal?
Even relativity is relative and non-relative all at once.
I could not have kids and forever wonder at the miracle of being a mother.
where would that leave me?
Tis easier being simple, for nothing will plague thee then.
But even then, the ignorance resounding will tear at thine hungering heart.
*sigh* Ponderings that plague at 6am. Life will be alot easier just keeping a dog.
But even then, the government won't let me keep a Mastiff without burning a hole in my pocket.
Oh! the ache from this muzzle and bridle bit...
llucii listens to...:: Lovage's Strangers On A Train
black llucii at 7:24:00 am My silent beauty
Wandering so.
In the depths of my reality,
Dark caves of thoughts unleashed.
Reaching out to the horse of moments past
I feel its heaving breath.
What strange contraption works within
The ticking of a complex mechanism.
Then strange silence.
"Who's there?", says the strange elf
Clad in rags of shrouded gloom.
The armour beneath still wearing a faded glint
Exonerated by the encroaching rust.
What works you funny, grey lunar
And the changeling extends a skeletal hand.
Sad to eyes that do not see
But joyous to hearts that do believe.
So the sepia-toned tunnel grows dimmer
And the strange girl gives a wink
A whiff of lavender and a drip from a tap
Tomorrow's child of yesterday's frost.
And the tunnel continues onward.
black llucii at 6:47:00 am
drooling...
aching for life...
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:+: kakis :+:
.lovestruck changeling defrosting in spring's ardour.awaiting the green jelly rocket ship.3 angels in a bag & a pea in a pod.back to the moon evermore.
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