Tuesday, October 12, 2004

I was always behind you coz I know what you're thinking. Sometimes I run up next to you and we have fun together. Sometimes I run up next to you and we cry together. Sometimes I run up next to you and you look at me, but you don't see me. So I walk behind you again until the next time, when you're ready.

Now you dare drag out my reality, all nicely folded and neatly stacked in the corner, throw it in my face and have the cheek to tell me that I've been negligent of its existence? You have the freaking audacity to dismiss my scars just so you can play up yours?

My debt to you no longer suffices for your constant whinings and whimperings anymore. That you could so easily and so carelessly discard me for preachings and wallowings in your self-pity, has left me hurt, wounded, angry and broken. My offerings may be humble but my heart has always been true. How you can take these offerings and tell me they mean nothing, has left me numb... a stinging numbness. This unconditional duty, this servitude, you never asked of me. It was I who chose to take up this torch, of my own free will. But still, even then, surely I do not deserve to be treated so carelessly?

That you can so cruelly and thoughtlessly make me face my delusion, this reality, shows how much love we really have. You are taking my hand, pointing at these monsters and telling me to look at their monstrosity... I have bled for these demons and I have long tamed them so that we can live without touching. Why must you insist that I cry for them now?

You never saw, you blind fool, and you insist on believing that you're the only one who sees. I am tired and I am broken. No longer does this torch burn for us. I will continue carrying it only because I cannot forget and stupidly bind myself to a debt no one acknowledges. I, too, am a fool. I am a fool to have loved you. I am a fool to have thought you were the one.

I am a fool to have given you my thread.


Now before you go thinking that I'm writing this for someone else, think again. Don't even try to flatter yourself on my terrain. Otherwise, honestly, what makes you think I'm writing about you? *looks interested* Is there perhaps something that I've written here that has struck a disconcerting chord within you?

black llucii at 3:04:00 pm